Time sure has flown by...

As of today, Presley is 2 months & 4 days old! I cannot believe how old is she! Man, everything has changed in our house. The few few weeks were pretty hard for me. I honestly believe that I had postpartum depression but I was in denial. I don't "believe" in depression as an illness. I believe it's a state of mind. So, I at the time, I refused to believe that I was depressed. I didn't tell anyone how I was feeling although, Jamie knew. He constantly asked how I was doing and if I was sad and needed someone to talk to. I didn't want to do anything. I sat in the living room and pumped out. Sadly, I didn't breastfeed. I tried. I tried so hard and wanted it so badly. I knew that it was the best thing for my daughter that is why I pumped out. I'm not even doing that now. I don't want anyone in my family to know because I have made such a big deal about breastfeeding. I feel like an awful mother. I know they will criticize me for doing so. It's very hard for me to do anything here though. I don't have the luxury of family OR friends. I have nobody here. Jamie has been working late days every since he started back at work. It sucks. I get no break in the day to do anything and sometimes the house is a mess... a biiiig mess. And here is Guam that isn't a good thing. Here in Guam there is an ant problem. No matter what, you will have ants in your home at some point in time. I hate those freaking ants. We had them spray and everything. They continue to come back. So, if you don't keep your house LITERALLY spotless, you have more ants than normal.

But I digress, life with baby is hard. Sometimes it feels like I'm a single parent. Jamie has duty every eight days... no matter what. So, every eight days I'm left alone to fend for myself. Needless to say, the house is a wreck whenever he comes home. My laundry is awful.. even now. I love being a mommy though. It's so rewarding. I love that little butter ball more than anything. I am a tough mommy and because I'm out here all alone, I will be a better mommy. The day Jamie went back to work was a duty day. (His chief and our besties didn't realize it was a duty day. Oh well. We still love 'em) It was hard but I'm thankful I had to go through that by myself. I became a stronger wife & mother that day.

It's almost 4am. Oddly enough, I'm not tired at all. Jamie & I went to bed around 10:30 and Presley woke up for a diaper change and food around 2:30. She has decided that she isn't tired either. So, she's playing in her bouncer. Jamie's chief bought it for us when Presley was born. She hasn't really enjoyed it until now. She loved the vibrations it makes but the toys never amused her. She will stay in that thing for hours kicking and talking. She loves it. She usually wears herself out in that thing so in a few minutes I'm going to put her back to bed. Hopefully she'll sleep until Jamie gets up for PT. I brought her in the living room so she wouldn't keep him up. I've been quite cranky lately... I think it's pms. Jamie calls me evil. Haha.

Oh well. Our house phone hasn't been working for three days now! Gah. I can't stand being without a phone. We had an awful storm the other night and apparently it killed our phone. What really sucks is that our phone company didn't know our phone was dead! Apparently, we are the ONLY ones in housing with GTA. Everyone else has MCV. Lame. On top of that, we don't even have a cell phone so we weren't able to call them until Jamie went to work the day AFTER the phone cut off. I didn't try to use to the phone for an entire day because I was so busy with Presley. I just thought it was one of those days were nobody calls. Haha. It SHOULD be working sometime tomorrow. So so lame.

Anyway, it's 4 and I don't hear Presley playing anymore. I think she might be asleep.