Happy New Year!

Last night was uneventful. Which is how I like it. I'm not much of a party person. I don't enjoy getting drunk & puking my guts out. I'm a homebody & I spent my New Year's with my family at home. However, I did get TWO New Year's kisses! One from my husband & one from my daughter. Aah. 2009 is going to be awesome.

2008 was full of so many wonderful memories but I'm ready to leave them behind... gone but not forgotten. I'm ready to make changes for the better & have a completely wonderful new year.

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. -Anatole France

I have so many simple but life changing New Year resolutions. The hardest one is going to be my patience with this Godforsaken island. I hate complaining so I'm going to try to tone it down & make the best of the time we have left here in Guam. [As of right now, we are supposed to leave June 2010. Although, that could possibly be shortened to March. Which would make me so very very happy. We could be stateside for Presley's 2nd birthday!]

I also plan to be a better wife & mother. I'm not saying that I am not a good wife or mother. I just want to be better. I don't feel that I am patient enough. Sometimes I feel stressed & that makes me think that I am not living up to my super mommy hopes/dreams. And here lately, I've been such a witch towards Jamie. It has nothing to do with him. I get upset over the smallest Guam related things. Like, not being able to get real food at the Commissary when it's the only grocery store that we trust. I just want him to know that I love him & that I am happy that he's a part of my life & the father of my child. When I'm witchy, I don't think he knows that. He works all day long without complaining so that he can have time off. All I see is the working all day part. Also, since Presley was born, I've gained weight. He says that it doesn't bother him but it bothers me. I'm self conscious around him & when he tries to love on me, I freak out. I always think that he's judging me. So, I also want to lose weight. It's so hard to eat healthy out here. There is a limited amount of fresh fruits & veggies. Most people buy frozen food. But I'm going to try. I want to be back to my pre-pregnancy weight before we move back to the states. I currently have about 18 months. I think I can do it.

My faith has also been slacking. Sometimes I feel that I don't have anytime for God. I pray to Him every night & thank Him constantly for all that He has blessed me with. But I feel like that isn't good enough. We had so much trouble trying to conceive. My doctor's thought that I had PCOS. [Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome] I didn't ovulate at all. I was put on fertility medication roughly four times & ovulated twice. February 2007 I got pregnant only to miscarry at 6 weeks. Which I'm told is quite common but that still doesn't lessen the pain. After that Jamie & I decided to stop trying & I told God that I wasn't going to use medicine to get pregnant. I put everything in His hands & when He felt that we were ready to have a baby, He would help us get pregnant. I got pregnant August 2007 after only being on the island for two weeks. I feel that God thought it was the right time because Jamie wasn't going out to sea for about 3 years & I needed the hole in my heart filled. Being so far away from my family really hurt me. So God blessed us with our own family. And for that reason alone, I feel that I should be a better Christian. I love God & thank Him for my life. He deserves to be loved properly.


My favorite pictures of 2008