Never good enough.

I need to vent.

My great aunt emailed me the other day asking for newer pictures of Presley. I didn't mind sending her pictures because I always loved my great aunt. She also asked about the election and how everyone in Guam feels. I explained to her that the locals cannot vote so it doesn't really matter. She went on and on telling me why I should be for McCain... especially since I'm military. That alone made me feel bad. I'm a 23 year old wife and mother. My husband is military and plans on retiring from the Navy. So, I do care about the future of our military which means I do know pretty much everything about the candidates. I brushed it off and emailed her pictures of Emma & Presley. I got her email today and there was maybe 3 or 4 sentences about how pretty Emma & Presley are. Then she went on to tell me how I need to go to school and get a job. Because being a full time mom is important but that I also need to think about Presley's future. (I don't think she understands how good we are doing and that Presley will always be taken care of) She went on to list jobs that she thinks I would be good at. I even told her that when Presley's in school that I MIGHT consider being a dental assistant because they don't work all the time. That's what I WANT to do... it isn't something that I am settling for. My daughter comes before everything. Plus, Jamie makes enough money to support us without help from me. Granted, extra cash would always be nice but I want to be there for my daughter. I don't want to stick her in childcare where god knows what can happen. We aren't ever to live close enough to family where they could possibly watch her why I work. Work isn't that important to me. It makes me upset. They can't ever be happy for us. My great uncle (her brother) did the same thing when I sent him a birth announcement and a letter. He sent me back a TYPED letter saying that we (yes, WE) needed to go to school and do something with our lives. Um, Jamie's military and again, he plans on RETIRING from the military! That is doing something with his life. Not to mention that he's going to college while he's in the Navy so that he can get a better job after we are out of the Navy.

Jamie always feels like they think he isn't good enough for me but that's not it. We aren't good enough... period. Nothing that my family does will ever be good enough for them. I talked to my aunt Rachel about it. She said that they have always been that way. She told me that when she as engaged (to her husband of like 15 or 16 years) that my great aunt told her that she didn't have to marry for love. That she needed to marry someone else that has more money, love isn't important because eventually you will learn to love that person. Oh my gosh. I could not live that way! Plus, Jamie isn't a bum! He is SUCH a hard worker. No matter what happens he will always take care of us. I am not worried. I just wish they understood how they make all of us feel. They all claim they don't judge anyone especially family but that isn't true.

I love my life and I wouldn't change anything about it. (Well, maybe to be stateside again. I'm looking forward to moving to Illinois, Washington state or Connecticut after Guam. Yes, we DO want to have severe winter after living in hot hot Guam for three years... Haha.Plus, I want to live closer to my brothers.)

Baby Love.

My mom sent me Georgia onesies while I was pregnant. Well, they said they were 9 month old and up. So I kept them in the drawer and payed no attention to them until yesterday. I pulled them out to see what they look like... small. They aren't even stretchy. I had some trouble getting Presley into them buuut she looks SO cute!!! Haha.


Her eyelashes are so dark... sometimes it looks like she's wearing eyeliner. I have such a beautiful baby girl.

Oh! She got a new toy today! She's been so bored with everything else she has. Haha. Spoiled little girl... its okay though. This smile is worth every penny.

Oh yeah!!

Jamie got his ESWS! It's like the Dolphins for Submariners but it's for Surface Navy. Out of all the submariners on the Frank Cable, Jamie (& one other guy we know) are the only ones who are qualified Enlisted Surface Warfare Specialist! I'm so proud of him!! Hooray!! The ones above the Navy patch are his Dolphins and the ones below are the ESWS.





AND he's starting college! WOO!! He's going to be taking classes either at night or on the weekends here on base. He can do it online or in a classroom. I'm so happy for him.

For some reason

Presley has decided to not sleep through the night. She's been doing all week. She'll go to bed around 10 or 11 and then wake up around 2:30-3am. It sucks. She usually sleeps til at least 6. I'm beginning to think that it has a lot to do with her being in the same room as us. After we had that freaking brown snake in the house, we've been a little paranoid. They are deadly to small children and old people. They aren't aggressive but I don't want to take any chances. We couldn't sleep that night without her being in the same bed as us. The next night, we moved her crib into our room. This is just another reason why I cannot stand Guam. I am just so upset because we volunteered to move to Guam. We CHOSE this duty station. We moved out here to help out the Navy and they can't even provide us safe, adequate housing. You would think the Navy would take care of the NAVY but out here, they pay more attention to the locals. They are more concerned with NOT pissing off the locals than taking care of the people they moved out here. I hate complaining but I am so ready to move home. Hopefully Jamie will get stationed in Illinois and we can be fairly close to family.

Anyway, it's 8am & I am so tired but I need to stay awake so that I can go to sleep earlier at night. We go to bed SO late and when she does wake up, I am so freaking exhausted. I love being a mommy but I wish my little one would sleep through out the night. I still cannot believe that I am a mommy. Presley is FOUR MONTHS OLD! Man. Time is flying by and I'm already getting sad and thinking about another one. Yes, my daughter is only 4 months old and I want another baby. I miss being pregnant and feeling that beautiful little life growth and move. Oh it's so amazing. My pregnancy was perfect. I didn't have morning sickness or anything. Everything was amazing and I only complained when I wanted more attention (or when my mom flew out a week before my dd and was only staying a week. She made me walk... Guam is not flat like Georgia. Plus, it was like 110 degrees at night...) Oh well. We'll have another kid when we are ready... and stateside.





I love that picture. She loves to sit and listen to Jamie play guitar. Sometimes she'll mumble really low and it sounds like she's trying to sing. It's so cute. Every morning we sing together and she loves it. I love my little sweetie.

It's been awhile.

Yeah I haven't been in the blogging mood. I don't ever have the time to sit here and blog. I've been trying to clean everything spotless due to the ant problem. No matter how clean my house is... ants come in to look around. You can see them wondering around the house looking for stuff to eat. So stupid. It's a big problem here in Guam. Bah. Everything is a big problem in Guam. I should be thankful though. Some people don't have a home to complain about. It could be so much worse. I can't help being a spoiled little American.

Anyway, Presley can roll over now! She's growing so fast! I have to keep an eye on her at all times now! Before I could leave her in her play pen thingy and not worry about anything happening to her. Now, she'll roll over in there and get frustrated because she can't roll back over. Crazy little girl. I love her sooo much. We started feeding her stage one baby food. After all, she was a biig baby and she's still a big baby. Plus, they say that your baby is ready for baby food when they double their birth weight... um, she was 9 freaking pounds at birth... I think 15 pounds is close enough. She watches us eats and makes faces like she's eating. SO we starting her on food. She tried baby bananas first and then we just bought some carrots. She likes the carrots more.



So cute.